When a plan fails...

Friday, May 14, 2010

If at first you don't succeed...well, you come up with a new plan. 

Although absence does make the heart grow fonder...in this case it has made my ass grow wider.  I have really and truly completely slacked like a true professional slacker when it has come to this "diet/workout" plan that I put together for myself.  It is quite embarrassing, actually...

HOWEVER, I won't let that stop me from pursuing the tight body that I so desperately want!!  It just may not happen in the initial timeframe that I set for myself.  Eh...so be it.

Check out the new non-committal attitude on Spencer!! 

Here's the thing...
I don't work out well at home.  It just DOESN'T happen!  Not even with the coolest gadgets, videos or whatever.  There are just too many distractions and I just don't feel like it is a "real" workout (even though Jillian does leave a mark).

In order for me to feel like I am making a difference, I need to go to a gym...get outside of my comfort zone (the living room) and into an environment that screams sweat and tears!  I think it is a motivator to see others busting their butts to get fit.  And, yes, even the gym whores make me more motivated...I want to have a body to where I can wear a sports bra and hot pants and walk confidently among the masses.  Let me just say that I am a complete realist and know that this won't EVER happen without major reconstructive and plastic surgery...or just a complete rebirth.  BUT it does make me strive for the best body I can muster.

My diet has been truly suffering lately (but, boy, has it been yummy).  The mind game for me is this...I know diet isn't the end all be all...it is really nothing at all.  It must be combined with cardio and weights to really make any bit of difference.  Or at least the difference I'm looking for.  So, until my ass is jigglin' like jello on the gym treadmill, my mind tells my mouth, eh, go ahead and have those nachos off the menu or that tall, frosty beer on the patio or that calming rum and diet at the end of a hectic day.  Why not??

Sidenote, out of convenience sake only, I have been pretty consistent with those Smart Ones meals for breakfast, lunch and - since T has been out of town all week - dinner.  The sodium in those diet meals is enough to kill a small herd but it makes me feel a little better that I am eating those versus McDonalds fries and a chocolate shake.  But it truly is for convenience.  Taking care of H barely leaves time to pee not to mention cook something other than with the microwave!

My new game plan?

Bitch & moan about my ever expanding ass & slowly developing front butt until H reaches her 6 month birthday.  When that happens, I will tote her, a blanket and some toys to the gym with me.  I will sit her in the sitting services room which is right there so I can check on her if needed and be the ever devoted slave that I am to her every baby need!  Then I can work out as long as I want (or as long as boss lady will let me) and really feel accomplished.  That will help motivate me to order the salad instead of the nachos and only have my vices (beer, rum, etc) on weekends only...and only if I earned it.

The crazy thing is...the size larger pants I bought are a bit too big now but my pre-pregnancy jeans create such a muffin top, French bakeries would be jealous.  I guess my body shape is still adjusting...not sure if it is an adjustment I really like.  But I am looking fiorward to getting back to the gym, sweating, moaning, groaning, panting...

I will post from time to time in case my pants get looser or I just want to share how horribly bad I've been!  That way you can see the total debacle before the "new" me.  Maybe my poor choices and fat pouty lip will motivate others to keep going!! 

Ok, now to find me a Smart One for breakfast!

One small step towards thin, one GIANT leap towards summer...

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Another wonderful morning spent with my new BFF (that I hate dearly), Jillian.  She never has anything new to say and, actually, gets on my nerves with her repetitive talk.  There should be a way to turn off the narration and just leave the music.  Or make her work out with us - ok, sure, she has a tight bum but nothing makes me angrier than a trainer walking around the work out room telling me what to do and how to do it...who's counting, for god sake?

So, that makes it two days in a row on the exercise.  Am I jumping up and down for joy?  Well, no...first of all my legs are so sore I am lucky to make it up the stairs without stopping to rest.  But I am also not going to get all bent out of shape about it since it is only day two and I bailed out before...I could always bail out again.

The food thing is not going as well.  I haven't been eating much but, what I have eaten, isn't necessarily the lowest in calories.  This week is going to be kinda hard because we have something to do everyday which has us eating at restaurants a lot more.  It is really SUPER hard to eat well at restaurants.  Even meals that are deemed "healthy" by the restaurant are still more calories than I am allocated for a day..or a week!  So I am focusing more on portion control as much as possible.

Sidenote:  I might need to check in with a doctor soon...my feet are really starting to hurt on top.  It usually happens at night and first thing in the morning - I get up and feel like my feet are "locked."  They hurt...almost like arthritis.  Sucks getting old.

I bought my first fat suit today...skirt and all!  It is a two piece (hahahaha!  no, not a bikini.  i wouldn't do that to anyone) tankini type thing.  The top has a gather in the center so it a) keeps the top off of my belly...it more "drapes" over my gut and b) distracts (I hope) from the gut.  And then there is the skirt bottoms.  Haha!  I used to make fun of those old, cellulite-ridden, saggy boobed women that would wear the skirts (along with their bingo sunvisor) to the pool to do their "laps."  Well, make room ladies.  I am now a part of the club.  My name is Dawna and I am fat.  "Hello Dawna."

Tomorrow will be another work out followed by a Smart One lunch meal.  Tomorrow night we are heading to a mexican restaurant with the fam.  Fat grams galore once again.  Oh well.  Have I told you about my skirt??  "Hello Dawna."

Check in on Friday...

Day 1...again

Monday, April 26, 2010

I am back at it.  Will I fail (again), I don't know.  But I am back...for now at least.  I am not going to totally focus on diet (although I am certainly watching what I eat) but I am going to focus on working out.  And, yes, Jillian and I had a visit together today and it was just as torturous as it was before!  But I am so proud of myself (and not of Jillian, she didn't even do half of the workout!  Had her girls working harder!). 

Breakfast: Nothing...I know, bad...but I had to take care of baby.
Lunch: Chili taco salad from Quiznos - fattening for sure
Dinner: Smart One pizzas (we were going to make burgers - which would have been "bad" but we watched Avatar instead)

Workout: 30 Day Shred

Tomorrow, bathing suit shopping at Target.  Wish me luck...ok, not enough luck in the world to make me blind!!

FRIDAY IS CHECK IN!!  WHO'S IN??

Remember me?

Friday, April 23, 2010

Oh hell yeah...I have been a total flake (I hope you didn't buy that evil twin scandal)!  And, other than the occassional Smart One boxed meals (because of convenience only), I have been one bad mo fo...and bad as in bad, not bad as in good!  I have totally flaked and, any small 1/4 of an ounce I may have lost the one pathetic week I tried my "plan" is on my ass times ten.

But leave it to my dear friend that has resurfaced from harsh high school days to bring me back in line!  She has set up a challenge...a way for us to be accountable to each other.  And she is a tough one!  She will make sure I feel like a piece of dog poo if she works out but I don't.  Ok, she really isn't like that but I am hoping she will be for my motivation sake!

So Monday starts the so called fun.  Back to eating healthy and low fat along with some sort of ball busting work out routine that will get these rolls flattened.  Who's with us for a Friday check-in??

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Maybe I need to do what Kirstie Alley has done...make money off of my fat!  She tried every plan (I'm guessing) and even became spokesperson for Jenny Craig.  But, once she handed off to Valerie Bertinelli, she stopped by the local bakery and dived into a cake with buttercream icing.  Now she is just giving up and showing the world that she is just fat and that's it in her new show - The Big Life. Maybe she has the right idea.



I have really sucked donkey turds on this "getting back into shape" idea.  Actually, I have done great with the idea I just haven't done great with the execution.  I know I can do it - I have done it before.  But I am not doing it right now and I am completely out of excuses.  Completely.  Now it is just a matter of "being busy" or being lazy about it.  Whatever the case, I am sure I will make the effort when I am good and ready.  Well, I am good and ready.  But, then again, I sit here with a lumpy belly and a jiggly rear. 

Ok, so hang in there with me.  I will share the good, bad and the ugly (which is where I am now).  You may be here with me now in the gutter but we will be on top of the world in...well, whenever we get there, let's schedule a happy hour together!  Virtually, if we have to.

Weekend blues

Sunday, March 28, 2010

I was so excited to get a new hair look that I decided that, even though I haven't really worked out over the weekend (and not really pretty much means NOT AT ALL), I was going to shop for a few pair of jeans that will actually button and zip instead of jeans that have the stomach insert for pregnant women.  Can we say BIG FAT FAIL!!!  I went to Ross and saw nothing but crap jeans (but did find two pairs of shoes I really liked and bought).  I, then, went to Old Navy and tried on jeans a size (ONE size) larger than my pre-pregnancy jeans.  It wasn't happening...at all...and I teared up in the dressing room.  It ruined my day (at least the next couple of hours of it) because I am SOOO tired of dealing with this gut/ass situation.  So tired of it.  I just wanted to go home.

After stopping at Target for one last attempt (and finding nothing but ugliness and, by then, I was just done) we headed home.  I felt defeated, fat, frumpy and itchy from the damn maternity jeans I am forced to wear.  And, I know our men just want us to feel all warm and fuzzy inside but DON'T tell me I am NOT fat and that I am so cute and whatnot when I just failed at simply buying a pair of jeans that fit.  When pants don't pull up over your fat ass, that's your sign.

Of course this motivates me for the week to come.  The challenge?  I have meetings all day tomorrow and then leaving town on Thursday to take H home to Louisville with me (being the fat moo cow that I am - UGH).  So I will be only able to work out Tuesday and Wednesday and, one of those days will be the day that H and I find me some damn jeans to wear - at a store that has real sizes that make sense and jeans that don't look like crap.

So how low can I get about this left over baby weight.  I am just SOOO over it.  I feel like I am trying but then, days like today, I feel like I am obviously not doing enough.  Will I EVER be able to do enough??  I'm tired of feeling and looking five months pregnant.  I was pregnant long enough...I want my damn body back.

Weekend mindset

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Eh, not much to post other than I am off the fitness wagon until Monday...I mean, Tuesday (Monday I have meetings all day).  Well, that's sure gonna suck!  Especially when I meet up with that crazy such'n such of a trainer Jillian!  Whew.  Not looking forward to that. 

Other than a rum and diet or two last night, I didn't do too bad.  T's Mom and SDad came over for dinner and I made tacos with ground turkey.  I only had two - I was distracted away from dinner to give H her bath and put her down.  But that's good because it helped me steer clear of taco #3.  So, it definitely wasn't a GOOD day but it wasn't a HORRIBLE one either.  I am sure I could have done better but the healthy side of my brain tends to shut down on the weekends.  I guess it stems back to when I had a full time job and felt that the weekends were a reward for a hard week...I continue those thoughts even as a housewife, stay at home, work from home Mom!  We all deserve a fun weekend without ties to a wicked fitness DVD or three meals a day of salad.  No, this isn't the right way to think....but it is MY way!

I am getting my hair and brows done tonight!  OH WOW how bad do I need this???  I really can't wait.  It is going to feel great.  I think I am just going to go in and say "do whatever you think will look good.  I don't care.  Long or short...whatev."  I am feeling daring and brave.  And whatever...it will grow back.  As long as she doesn't color it pink or shave me bald, I am good to go (just be sure to cover the GRAY).  I will post a pic later...